While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
