Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
