hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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