i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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