I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
