we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
