i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
