We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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