I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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