Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
