So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
