OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
