Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
