But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
