I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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