Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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