Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
