I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
