I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
