I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
