I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
