I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
