Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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