It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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