I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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