i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
