I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
