dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
