hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
