Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
