How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
