cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
