grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
