you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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