Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
