I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
