Betty ford says i'm here all night
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
