Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
