Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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