even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
