I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
