I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
