i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
