I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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