I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
