all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
