it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
