Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
