AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
