That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
