Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
