It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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