how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
